To My Great Grandmother.

2/15/2018

As I said in my last blog, My great grandmother is sick.

She recently lost balance and broke a hip. She had to have surgery, long story short, the surgeons did not think that she would survive the surgery. She did.

A few weeks later she had to have a couple more surgeries.

I'd like to think that I was close to her.

Truly, I don't know how to feel about my grandmother. She didn't feel good at all so we went and surprised her at the hospital in February. She got emotional because she didn't want us to see her like she was. We travelled from Switzerland to England for her and would've travelled a lot further if we had to. I've always looked up to her. She is a true role model. How at 103 years of age she was living alone and walking about. But she was so lonely, when she was healthy she used to say frequently, "Horris and my children are waiting for me. I mustn't keep them waiting." (Horris was her husband, all three of her children have also passed on.) I understand how she was hurting, but what hurts me is that I couldn't go and see her everyday. I felt like I wasted her precious time left. I felt after seeing her, she's going to be surviving for a while, not living. But little did I know she didn't have 'a while.' Which truly made my heart hurt. The thought that someone I've always looked up to and always tried to impress, wasn't living, but surviving, unexplainable thoughts were and still are running through my mind.

She looked at me in a way she's never looked at me before. Like from the amount she could see she was trying to remember exactly how I looked. The was she starred at me examining every part of my face. And she put her hand on my face and just said to me, "I won't let you cry. I'm going to be fine. I will try to get better." I almost cried whilst I was in England. But I didn't, until I got home, by myself in my room, surrounded my my thoughts of my great grandmother.
I cried and cried until I had to stop, because my great grandmother was telling me to.
For me these emotions are completely new and I didn't know how to react.

"I when I went to sleep after my family from Switzerland left. I didn't want to wake up. When I did, I was sad." My great grandmother said to my uncle who goes there a lot to take care and keep her company.

A few weeks passed, 26th of March 2018, she passed in the company of my grandmother.

This was when I couldn't hold back. The thought that I will never see her again makes me sick.

I hope going to heaven was everything she wished for and more.

I love you Nana.

Yours India. x

1 Comment

Rich.

7/22/2018 02:44:57 pm

It’s always tough to loose a loved one. No matter how old they are there is always a huge sense of loss. The bigger the personality of the person the bigger the hole they leave.

There is absolutely nothing you can do to bring her back but you can use your loss and what she taught you to be a strong, articulate, confident and loving person. Her character teaches us a lot and we should use the example she set us all in caring for her family, trying to being fair and honest.

You influenced her more than you know. She never wanted a granddaughter to her being brought up through the early 1900’s life was tough for girls and women. She did not want a grand child to suffer as she had to. But as she got to know you she realized how similar you were. You brought her lots of happiness and she loved you dearly.

So in future if you feel challenged or down about something just ask her what she would do to solve the problem. Whenever you achieve something that you thought you couldn’t look to the skies and let her know this one was for you Nana!

Don’t be sad. Be glad to have known her. Not many people get to meet their Great Grandparents and even fewer get to know them in the way that you did.

Now go on and challenge the world and be the best you can be!

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